F*k Normal

I’m so afraid to BE with myself. I need the world’s offerings to stimulate me because I’ve forgotten how to do that for myself. I’m terrified because I don’t know how long this will last. I hear others asking, when will I be able to return to normal?

Yes. Normal. I want normal again.


What IS normal? Is normal rushing to and from places wishing I was home, only to be at home wishing I was someplace else? Is normal zoning out and bingeing on Netflix? Is normal staring at a phone and not noticing other people’s faces standing right beside me?

We’ve been social distancing for years!!!! Life has only answered us and given us what we’ve been asking for. A world made up of only virtual connection and now we’re starving. We’ve finally realized that it’s not enough. And still we ask…when can we return to “normal”?

We’re even trying to re-create normal in our homes, our sanctuaries. We’re trying so hard to bring the outside world in with it’s schedules and demands, keeping up with school and with work.

My heart weeps for those who haven’t bought into the wonders of technology or are from a time when people connected with their eyes rather than tips of their finger. What will they do to connect in this virtual cosmic soup? They were already yearning for our love and attention, and learned to survive on the allotted “care” we eked out of our schedules.

Maybe, for me anyway, it’s time for a new normal. Or actually…an old normal. And ancient normal.

Where we howled at the moon and danced and thrust our arms out wide bumping with abandon into the person standing next to us. Where we spent long long hours staring into a fire, interspersed with slow so very slow stories told by our elders to which we listened intently and with deep reverence. An old old normal where we trusted our own goodness and loved one another and felt what arose in us instead of shutting it out with noise and chaos. An old normal where we felt our fear and cried out loudly in pain, and moaned boldly with orgasm, and wept without shame. An old normal where families spent time together in small rooms and it didn’t occur to them to build she-shacks, men-dens, or basement rec rooms. An old normal where we didn’t need a clock to tell us to move on to the next activity. We moved because we were connected to the inner voice that said, “get up”.

The earth is crying out for this old normal so much so that it has shut us away into our virtual prisons. A virtual world we built so carefully and with such pride. And while we scramble to re-create normal, the earth is healing. I wonder if she’ll welcome us back. Maybe – just maybe – if we let go of fucking normal and allow our hearts to crack open with grief and sorrow at how much we’ve been turning away from one another. The utter relentless truth is that we’ve been social, friend, family, and love distancing for years. This is our opportunity to connect. And to atone.


Seeking Love

How does the seeking of love keep me from the awareness of its presence?

Love is who we are when we’re clear.  When we’re SEEKING love we miss the awareness of its presence and we don’t notice that it’s not even love that we’re after.  When we’re in seeking mode we’re actually chasing something else. Often it’s approval.  Or safety and reassurance. Or something to fill the lack space within us.  And because that lack space is actually an illusion, nothing will ever fill it.  So we send ourselves on an endless and hopeless journey of love seeking that can never be achieved.

Alternatively, when we notice that we ARE love.  That we already have everything we need, we’re complete and whole, we can rest in the awareness of true, abiding and eternal Love.  A Love that requires nothing from anyone…even ourselves.

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Inquiry Based Coaching

As many of you know, I’ve been immersing myself in the practice of Self-Inquiry for the past several years. It’s helped me deal with difficult emotions and find new perspectives on issues in my life. I’ve primarily been using a method called The Work of Byron Katie (commonly referred to as The Work).

The Work of Byron Katie is like check mate. It’s one of the most laser like methods of seeing what is really behind our stress and suffering.
It’s not the only way.

Inquiry Based Coaching developed by Innerland is one alternative.

Tania and Pedro have offered up opportunities through workshops, a study group, online sessions, and two delicious retreats to Mexico to learn how to hold my emotions with kindness and understanding. They’ve created a safe container to explore painful events in my life with space to allow me to accept responsibility and at the same time not shift into self blame and condemnation. And most of all…learn from them so that I can make tangible changes in my life.

And now they’ve developed a method of Self-Inquiry that is supportive and straight forward – Inquiry Based Coaching (IBC). And I love it! I can’t wait to share it with all those who are interested in experiencing considerably less stress inducing resistance and relaxing into acceptance of Life’s unfoldings.

I still love The Work and will continue with my personal practice as well as supporting others in theirs – IBC is simply another approach to the self questioning process that many of us love.

It’s my intention to offer workshops that will incorporate IBC soon and, in the meantime, Innerland offers online Intros – often for free. Check them out. AND/OR please feel free to message me. We can meet in person or on the phone, and I can introduce you to the process that has come to mean so much to me.

In addition, if you’re looking for a deeper dive with the support of highly experienced and knowledgeable practitioners, I recommend checking out Innerland Institute.

I Am Enough Without My Smile

I Am Enough Without My Smile



My smile is like a shield sometimes.
A shield to compliments, to thank you’s, to appreciation, to truth.

My smile can be like a shield.
It protects my vulnerability, insecurity, uncertainty, and awkwardness.

My smile is a shield when
I know no other way to get your approval. I use it as manipulation to warm your heart towards me.


My smile can be a shield and it can be a weapon. Just a
Niceness isn’t always nice.s your knee can’t help but kick out when your doctor checks your reflexes, I can’t help but smile when I see you come my way. Before I’ve even had a chance to check in with me. Or you. And so because you’ve been trained like I have, you reflexively smile in return. Probably not even knowing why you’re doing it. Except that it’s the nice thing to do.

When my smile is a shield it disconnects me…from me.

Can this moment be complete on its own? Can I allow it to be simply be me…looking at you. Taking you in with an open heart.

Am I enough without my smile?


Mr Rogers – A Pioneer in Radical Self Love

“The greatest thing we can do is help someone know that they’re loved and capable of loving.” Mr Rogers

This speaks to my heart so deeply.
When I’m in one-on-one inquiry or in groups and someone finds forgiveness for themselves or someone else, there’s a look in their eyes of possibility. It’s like I’m witnessing their heart opening. Their eyes relax and I feel a movement closer to complete love – without barriers or conditions. A love that includes everything. Perceived wrong doings and betrayals. Differences. Anger and hurt. Annoying traits. Addictions. EVERYthing.
Cutting ourselves off from love, even in the name of righteousness justification, has the same result. A closing of our hearts.
When we close to one person – even if the whole world agreed we’re right to do it – we close our heart a little to everyone and, of course, to ourselves. That’s just how it works. Closing is closing.

Opening our hearts is freedom. For us.
An open heart can include saying no and expressing pain. This is a relatively new lesson for me.

Closing our hearts to someone doesn’t really do anything to the other person. But it does do something to us. It’s painful and takes so much energy. It’s not our natural state. We have to be holding onto painful stories in order to be closed. Even a little. It takes effort, actually. It’s exhausting.
And you see the effects if you pay attention.
Tight shoulders.
Low energy.
Compulsions to drink, smoke, eat, use drugs, over watching Netflix.
Short tempers.

ALL a result of closing our hearts. To others and to ourselves. And to Life or God.

Closing is closing. And opening to RADICAL COMPLETE NO HOLDS BARRED LOVE is freedom.

All hail Mr Rogers who was a pioneer in radical self love.

Understanding is the Key

Healing begins with finding compassion for the person I am today.
I’ve noticed the more compassion I find for whatever I decide is unforgivable about me today almost automatically causes me to have compassion for me in the past. And THAT causes me to have compassion for everyone around me. Automatically and with hardly any effort.

So while understanding the past is the lock, understanding for the present is the key.


Action Does US

I have a decision to make. Is that true?

We’ve all had those times in our lives when we’ve been faced with a choice. And in that place, some of us feel the clench of “I don’t know what to do!” Pros/cons lists, research, consequences, ups and downs and so on get employed to assist us.

I’m in that place now. A choice/cross roads is before me. And when I believe I’m in control stress quickly settles in.

As Todd Smith so eloquently describes in this article, The Work is about coming to peace with “What Is”. To do that requires the inquirer to drop their agenda which is pretty counter intuitive to making a decision. Making a decision, Todd says, is about action. The Work as meditation invites us to something different. Acceptance. An opening of the hands. Surrender. And in that place, action does us.

Grateful for Inquiry

A lovely evening on the road.
This is mine and my husband, Adrian’s, second trip to and from Indiana picking up RV trailers to deliver to dealerships here in Alberta.
It’s a LOT of together time, I tell ya. Five days, 14 hrs per day, in the truck. And we’ve done that twice in the last 2 weeks.
I’m so grateful for the Work and self inquiry I’ve done because I can honestly say that I feel closer to Adrian than I have in years!
I don’t think we would’ve survived these trips without it. 
Before The Work of Byron Katie I held all kinds of beliefs about ways in which Adrian should be different. I was blind to my part. I had become shut down and closed off to the sensitive, impassioned soul that is my husband.
With every thought I questioned, my feelings were allowed an opportunity to warm. And in that warm place, I could be vulnerable and lay down my sword of righteousness. Collaboration and connection is now much more available to both of us.
And even when we did have inevitable scratchy moments (I said 14hrs in the truck, remember) we recovered much more quickly. Both able to admit our part.
What an experience. So grateful.