Beeeee Sofffft

11130239_10155405007235486_497396199446976705_nBeeee sofffft.

So beautiful.
I’ve found that the mission of all missions is to be soft with ME – and then I can’t help but be loving and soft to others and the world around me.
It’s so easy to be hard on myself. I often don’t even notice I’m doing it. Internal dialogue – however brief – like:
“I shouldn’t have done that!”
“I’m doing it wrong.”
“They don’t like me.”
“I suck. I’m fat.”
“I’m a bad mom.”
“I can’t to do this.”
All of these and more are self abusive, violent thinking which lead to my pain and suffering that I, in turn, end up blaming and inflicting on everyone and everything around me.
It can be as subtle as having a bad day or becoming quiet and withdrawn, confusing those around us. And it can be as blatant as lashing out in harsh words to those we love. Or it can look like blaming the economy or environment or whatever for our miseries.
Sure…I wish the environment was healthier. I wish people didn’t lose jobs (my husband included) and that groceries weren’t so expensive.
Or that the government…what? What do I wish the government would do? Take better care of us?  Sure lets go with that.
I wish there wasn’t what seems to be an underlying plot by the “Big 5” to keep us humble folk down.
I wish there wasn’t greed.
I can sink into misery and relinquish all of my happiness and love to the hardness I see around me.
Or I can look within and see that the hardness is actually within me:
I wish I was healthier.
I wish I didn’t lose my job – the job I have of taking care of my thinking when I blame others for my fears.
I wish I would take better care of me.
I wish I didn’t have an underlying plot to keep me and those around me down.
I wish I wasn’t greedy. Greedy for even more of ANYthing than what I already have in this very moment.
I’m not trying to be naive. I can’t control all of those others things! Corporations. Tax hikes. Isis. Police brutality. Violent attacks on the innocent. The big garbage pile growing in the pacific.
I can talk about it. Learn about it. Pass on what knowledge I garner. And then I’m still left with me.
War and anger and pain heals within me first. It’s the same for all of us. THAT’S where we have the ultimate power for change.
Love you. Wishing you a wonderful loving peaceful time with your loved ones this Easter weekend.

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